An empty feeling deep inside

A heavy heart and a troubled mind

These are the burdens I bear

The price of trading a diamond

For lustreless cut glass.

Now the shards lay scattered around me

Wearily I pick them up,

Bleeding over the sharp fragments…

Regret breathes some life into me,

And like a touch of fresh sweetened air

My dead heart heeds a faint call

It begins to stir,

Responding to the promise

Of a life of peace and contentment…

And in earnest it begs me,

Pleading, o self!

You ignored the gaze of your Beloved for too long

Yet He had not turned away in hurt

Rather it was you who ran in shame

Now He can no longer watch you self destruct…

His love for His servants never falters

Hear His Call! Heed his Words!

Free yourself from doubt,

From the false promises

Of this deceptive world

Turn to him in hope

For He has stayed in love.

Your regret is your penance

Your tears and deep sighs more punishment than necessary

Renew your Love,

Submit to Him!

Promise me that you will never abandon Him!

The distance to bridge is far

But He has promised to be the wind that will take you there…

So I gave in, listened to the voice I had ignored for too long

I set my sight on the heavens

Wrenched my thoughts from those dark recesses

Placed my trust into His capable Hands

And…I am reborn…

Mighty is my Saviour

Merciful is my Lord

Drunk on love is this sinner!


This is what inspired me to do hifdh; this new, floundering love affair with my Beloved Rabb…my heart had experienced a spiritual rebirth after years of death and darkness. I was once surrounded by darkness. Lost in it. It was an all encompassing blackness; a suffocating, weighty blackness that left me empty, restless and alone. I did my ritualistic worship that was expected of me, but it lacked sincerity, lacked love. It was a cold, hard and lustreless fulfilment of duty.

But as always, the hour is darkest before the dawn. A believer’s soul is a unique creation. It is never content with anything besides that which it was created for, i.e. loving Allah. When the soul feels dead and tarnished, it attempts to reconnect with Allah. It is like a magnet in its relationship with its Creator. My heart led me to realise, that in order to rekindle the flame of Allah’s love within my chest, I had to start with that which came directly from him, i.e. His beautiful words, the Qur’an. So began my journey on the sacred path of memorisation of the Blessed Book. My heart balked at the thought of ever having to return to the crippling darkness that had held it captive for so long. This fear provided the determination I needed to commit to the task before me.

And so,hifdh led me to discover the greatest treasure ,the sweet fountain of Allah’s Love. Alhamdulillah I have completed my hifdh amidst many moments of both tears and joy. But,the road to Allah is always under construction. Insha Allah this Quran will help light my way to that ultimate goal…becoming a true, sincere lover and worshipper of the Most Merciful.Ameen.

Written by: Mariam Vawda